New prescription names

It seems that each month a new pharmaceutical product infiltrates the airwaves (Ask your doctor if Cialis is right for you!) With a week before our wedding, one would think that Ann and I would have better things to do than invent some potential drugs and their uses. We do, but . . . :

Alarmaggedon--Reduces the fear created by the Fox News Network.

Superpsyllium--Binds the effluence that comes from Washington.

Marmoset--Deadens the impact from ingesting certain rodentia.

Litinigen--Encourages offers of immunity during lawsuits.

Spongebobuprofen--Relieves headaches due to unusual exposure to cartoons.

Calamatin--Increases home insurance protection.

Internecine (spray)--Prevents the onset of unwarranted attacks.

B Holden--Repays debts quickly.

Buttscratchalot--Reduces the symptoms of posterior poison ivy.

Studioloft--Increases the possibility of renting in an upscale neighborhood.

Eminemana--A white hip hop suppository that increases output dramatically.

Recalcitron--Increases stubbornness.

Rancor--Helps relieve anger over the current administration's domestic and foreign policy.